One Year Ago Today
by Vee-sempai
Summary: Misao has a plan- shounen-ai, shojou-ai, and SAITOU!
1. Prologue

  
There's someone in your office.  
Saitou Hajime lit another cigarette and favored his fellow officer with a cool glance. he enunciated. He didn't need his few precious breaks diluted by common idiocy.  
The officer shrugged. She's been in there since you went out on call. Refuses to leave until she sees you. He raised an eyebrow. Pretty little thing... I wouldn't complain if she were after me...  
Saitou gave a heavy sigh of digust, flicking some ash onto the man's uniform before entering his office. He was eternally annoyed by men who couldn't keep their hands where they belonged.  
Smoking's bad fer ya, police-man.  
Saitou almost winced, but closed the door behind him. Enjoying my desk, weasel girl? he asked calmly.  
Makimachi Misao grinned mischievously and waggled her thin legs where they were sprawled over his spotless work desk. she said cheerily. How's life been treatin' you?  
Saitou sighed, decided there was no way he was likely to get his desk back, and pulled up a chair. I'm guessing this isn't a social call, he observed, as close to resigned as Saitou Hajime ever got.  
Smart man. Misao toyed with the end of her braid. I got a job for you...  
Saitou sighed, leaned back and prepared to listen. If there was one thing he'd learned during their , it was that it was better to let the girl rant and say no when she was done.  
Okay, so here's the idea. In about two weeks, it'll have been a year since we beat Shishio n crew. I wanna have a big party at the Aoiya for everybody so we can celebrate. But I noticed there seemed t' be some unresolved issues with the whole crew, things I couldn't really pin down in the muck. And if we're gonna have a party, I want it to be a damn good party, so those things can't get in the way!  
All very lovely thoughts, Saitou said dryly. Where do I come in?  
Misao grinned. Glad you asked! Since you're a police guy and you're good at observing people, I want you t' go down t' Tokyo and watch em all for a week. Take notes. Make your own guesses on the issues if you wanna. And when the week's up, bring em all up here and give me your notes. Then you're done.  
Saitou raised an eyebrow at the sheer audacity of the request, but remained unruffled. I have two questions. First, what could I possibly tell Battousai that he would permit me to stay for a week in his home, and second, why should I do this at all?  
Both good questions. Misao leaned back in the chair. But I thought of that already. First, tell Himura about the party, but say you had aminor problem with transportation and you won't be able to take them for a week. Second... She leaned forward and fixed him with a wicked grin. If you do this for me, I won't tell Tokio-san about the party.  
Saitou narrowed his amber eyes. And I won't have to go, he completed, finally understanding what semblance of a logic that was behind this plan.  
Misao grinned.  
It was a tempting offer... Tokio had always been so insistent on meeting his , and though he frequently told her he had no friends, she refused to listen. It was his punishment for marrying a spunky girl, he supposed. And she would insist on going. And then, he'd have to deal with those ... and there certainly were issues... And they'd all be in one place.  
When do I start? he asked resignedly.


	2. Notes- Part One

  
Day One  
  
Room is atrocious.  
Have gotten no end of strange looks from Kamiya girl. Battousai avoids me. No appearance of Ahou as of yet.  
Food is worse than room. Kamiya girl would make poor wife.  
Small mokey child kicked me while walking down hallway. May hurt him if he continues.  
Ahou came to dinner. Battousai cooked. Was disturbed by his culinary skills. Was also disturbed by Ahou's eating habits.  
Day was a waste. May give up before end. Beginning to think small monkey child is conspiring against me. Kamiya girl snores like a train.  
May sleep in courtyard.  
  
Day Two  
  
Sleeping in courtyard hurt a bit. Overall preferable to train-snoring, though.   
Noticed Battousai looking at Ahou is less than appropriate manner. Was not in the least bit surprised. Kamiya girl still oblivious.  
Small monkey child practiced in courtyard for hours. Kicked me when asked why. Planning on hurting him severely.  
Sly kitsune woman came for dinner. Hit on Battousai relentlessly. Ahou annoyed. Kamiya girl still oblivious. Small monkey child ate half my dinner. May smother him in his sleep.  
Slept in courtyard again. Was stepped on by Ahou as he left. Nearly killed him.  
Again.  
  
Day Three  
  
Kamiya girl nice to me today. Battousai cranky. Guessing he is being choked by his libido. Ahou oblivious. Small monkey child amused for all the wrong reasons.  
Sly kitsune woman cooked. Suspected she poisoned food. Again, hit on Battousai relentlessly. Battousai even crankier.  
Kamiya girl spent evening attempting to hit on Battousai. Her crush becoming annoying. Battousai dangerously cranky.  
Small monkey child practiced until dusk. Again asked why. Muttered something about Germany and bit me.  
May kill him before week is out.  
Attempted to sleep in room again. Heard strange noises. Suspected Battousai of oiling his sakabatou.  
Slept in courtyard again.


	3. Notes- Part Two

Day Four  
  
Dueled Battousai today. With wooden rods. Small monkey child distracted me and Battousai got lucky. Am much annoyed.  
Am surprised that Battousai has been least annoying so far.  
Kamiya girl insisted on making lunch. Food smelled very much like Shishio had. Cannot be a good sign. Refused to eat and was summarily hit with a broom.  
May kill Kamiya girl as well. No matter what Battousai says.  
Beginning to think there is something very strange about sly kitsune woman. Must have either bad taste in men or lesbian tendencies. Suspect it is the latter. Kamiya girl oblivious to this as well.  
Police chief stopped by. Operation very poor in Tokyo. Asked Battousai to catch a criminal of some sort. Was not paying much attention, as small monkey child was gnawing on Ahou's head. Was curious if there would be blood. Was not. Was very disappointed.  
Beginning to feel strangely fuzzy and warm.   
Must be food substances being fed here.  
Slept in room. No strange noises. Battousai obviously concentrating on mission instead of hormones.  
  
Day Five  
  
Battousai was gone when I woke up. Was not surprised. Kamiya girl annoyingly mopey. Am tempted to lock her in a closet until Battousai returns. At least she would be forced to come out of it.  
Was amused by that thought all day. Am convinced food is warping mental process. May end up a Battousai fangirl by end of week like everyone else here. Would rather die. May commit ritual suicide and stain laundry bucket with blood just for spite.  
Amendment- will kill weasel girl in bloody fashion first. Then defile Battousai's laundry bucket.  
All your fault, weasel girl. Wish you an aneurysm when you read this.   
Small monkey child attempted to chase Battousai. Ahou held him back. Said it was his responsibity to protect Kenshin. Would have been touching if I cared. Would have been amusing if were not consumed with need for bloody revenge. Would have been distracting if horrible smells form kitchen hadn't killed all senses long ago.  
Am learning new respect for Battousai, as he has eaten this and lived. Dinner particularly horrid tonight. Want to go home.   
Battousai returned late. Kamiya girl so ecstatic she threw her arms around me. Have never been so frightened in my life. Truly want to go home now. Am nearly prepared to admit defeat for first time in my life.   
Slept in street. Far away.  
  
Day Six  
  
Woke up being kicked by small children. Told them their parents wouldn't love them unless they got me cigarettes. Am not allowed to smoke in dojo. Am growing afraid of Kamiya girl. Have broom bruises all over skull. Cannot eat without complimenting food in fear.   
Am convinced mind is hanging by a thread. May become nothing but a simpering fool in mere hours. Am in awe of hidden power of Kamiya Kasshin Ryu. Is the only skill to have defeated both Battousai and the Mibo no Ookami. Should have unleashed Kamiya girl on Shishio.  
Is no surprise Battousai driven to staring lustfully at Ahou.  
Sly kitsune woman no better. Just less violent. Am quite sure she will poison me in my sleep soon. Am sure I saw a tail. Or perhaps it was the food. Am never quite sure. And small monkey child still conspiring. Found a kitchen knife in my futon one night. Will kill him. Make it look like an accident. Will never be found.  
Ahou stayed after dinner. Got drunk with Battousai. Watched for a few hours. Have never seen such awkward sexplay. Was as amusing as it was pathetic. Kamiya girl still oblivious, though she wandered in a few times.   
Slept in the courtyard, as Ahou stayed the night.   
One more day. Only one more day.  
Then revenge will be mine. Sweet, bloody revenge.  



	4. Notes- Part Three

Day Seven  
  
Over. Finally over.  
Carriage comes tomorrow. Refuse to ride with anyone except perhaps Battousai. Have come to regard Battousai as least offensive. Has never bothered me. Only stares at Ahou in lecherous manners. Ahou too stupid for my nerves. Also eats in fairly disgusting fashions. Kamiya girl too oblivious, not to mention dangerous and a bad cook. Sly kitsune woman too much of a lesbian. Small monkey child object of my unwavering hate.  
Would truly enjoy riding alone.  
Am looking forward to decent food. And lack of... company.  
Murderous needs not subsiding. Truly wonder how Battousai lives. Perhaps has some sort of condition. Would explain obsession with sewing. And decorating. Or is just extremely gay. Would not be surprised by either. Am rather amused by his closeted existence.  
Ahou obviously flaming. Has womanly eyelashes. But has only void where ass should be. Must be seme.  
Kamiya girl should never reproduce. Am still terrified of her unholy powers. Would not touch her with pointy end of katana. Is no wonder she never gets any.  
Sly kitsune woman willing to hit on anything that moves. Would not trust her with drugs. Is not as frightening as Kamiya girl. More annoying. Shrill. Loud. Bounces chest incessantly.  
Small monkey child will die a horrible death. Will laugh. Will dance on grave.  
Next target- weasel girl. Fear the Mibu no Ookami, weasel girl. He is coming for you. Will dance on your grave as well. And sing loud drinking songs as he slakes his thirst with your sweet blood. All your fault, weasel girl.


	5. MISAO'S NOTES!!!!

Misao's Notes!!!  
  


Hmmmm... Okay. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to send Saitou, the smartass... But, no matter what, the show goes on. Let's get some planning going here...  
  
Himura  
-Okay... Queer. That's not a surprise. Generally, when you call a guy an otoko-onna and he doesn't even flinch, that's a dead giveaway. But obviously real repressed. I guess that's why he's so weird about Kaoru-san... Well, there's something I can work with. Get Himura laid by a sexy, sexy man. Or maybe that Sagara guy he seems stuck on. Whatever's better.  
  
Kaoru-san  
-Ergh. Well, she's a bad cook, but I knew that. That's not her big problem... at least, I hope not... Aaah, she just needs some booty too. The problem is... from who?... A question for the Great Misao to consider.  
  
That Sagara Guy  
-Well, HE'S A DUMBASS, NOW ISN'T HE????!!! Himura seems t' be all over him. Maybe he just needs a good thwap in the head. I can certainly do that... if I can reach that damn head of his. If I can solve all his problems with easy access to some Himura ass, I'll be good t' go!  
  
Megumi-san  
-Swings for the ladies, huh? Well, I do need to get Kaoru-san laid. And she did seem to have a fondness of shoving my head in her bosom. So maybe I can get Megumi-san with Kaoru-san... and then Megumi-san can teach Kaoru-san how to cook... or maybe they'd just kill each other and solve a lot of problems! God, this is frustrating!  
  
Yahiko-kun  
-Okay, he seems the sanest of them all. If I can figure out what this obsession with obscure meat-and-beer-scarfing European countries is all about, he should be fine. Maybe I'll let him torture Saitou some more... hmmm...  
  
SAITOU HAJIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
-ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT! I GIVE YOU A CHANCE TO GET OUT OF THIS PARTY AND YOU DO NOTHING BUT MOCK ME AND MY PURPOSES! I KNEW MOST OF THIS CRAP ALREADY! AND ON TOP OF THAT, YOU THREATEN MY WELL-BEING! THAT'S IT, BUDDY! I'M TELLIN' YOUR WIFE! SHE'S GONNA MAKE YOU COME TO THE PARTY! AND I'M GONNA LAUGH! I'M GONNA LAUGH AND LAUGH AND LAUGH AND LAUGH! I'M ALREADY LAUGHING! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!! EAT THAT! MISAO WINS! MISAO ALWAYS WINS!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!


End file.
